Goodbye 2011...it was great.

I am glad this year is over...2012 is going to be the start of more fabulous things. The bar is opening and I will be there more than I will be in the office, which is good for me. It might not be good for anyone else, but I need to look out for myself. I'm taking control and will not be treated like shit anymore. It's really unfortunate, because the shit actually spreads. I never realized how quickly or how easily. This is why I quit working in offices. Too much stress and old ass fucking people that act like they are in high school. The bullshit is stupid, but some people feed on it. Not me.

Christmas is 10 days away, and all my shopping is done! This is the first year in I don't know how long that I actually finished sooner than Christmas Eve. Now to just wrap it all. This is my least favorite part of shopping!

I feel good about what is to come. I feel good about me. I could do without the cold I have...but I still feel good.

Merry Christmas all! I love ya!

Every once in a while...

Sometimes, all I'm going for is shock factor. I truly want to start smoking again, because not only would it annoy people that I know because I'd "stink", but because it would calm me the fuck down. My anxiety and stress levels since I quit smoking are at an all time high, and I know this because the genetic skin disease (psoriasis) that is attacking my body is showing me. Did I mention it's on my head and my hair is falling out? But you know me, I like to look at the positive. I will soon be picking out whatever hair style I want and the wigs are endless! I can be a blonde, or red head, or brunette. Hell, I could even sport some dreads if I want. Can you say SCORE! Let me just sum up how this has happened:
Quit Smoking=Don't know how to deal with stress=Psoriasis flare up=Ugly skin and hair loss=Psoriatic Arthritis=Pain=Naproxen=Ulcer=No more Naproxen=Pain, again...Did I mention the weight I've put on? Eff this. Somebody better convince me that this pay off is better than smoking, because I'm about to fall off the wagon.

Welcome to a new week, and me trying to be positive and think like I normally do. On the bright side, Christmas shopping is complete! There ya go, that's all I got.

Here's to the Bar opening. Tip one back for me. Oh, wait, nevermind, I'll tip one back for you.

MOST OF THE TIME.

Another day of writer's block...

I'm really trying hard to find a way to sort my thoughts, although the spreadsheet and files in my head are not working right. I think I have a virus. My database needs to be defragged. Something is wrong up in there. My irritation level is high today, but not because of anything specific, or maybe there is something specific, I just don't feel like sharing. I'm sure I'm over reacting, because really who am I to request certain things that I may or may not even do myself. Don't you love my code? Figure out what I'm talking about and I will give you a gold star. I guess what it's coming down to is: I'm bored. I need to do something. I have an itch that could prove extremely dangerous, but fun. I love fun, don't you love fun? I am not happy the way some situations have been playing out, and I could scream sometimes. I feel like I make sacrifices, and I know others make sacrifices too, I just see the sacrifices are significantly different and just because someone does this and I do that, it doesn't mean its the same. For example, You might want to punch me in the face, but I really want to poke you in the eye, they are different reactions but are caused by the same feeling, or result in the same feeling. I guess what it comes down to is: something needs to change, or at least the fact that I don't like what is happening needs to be acknowledged. If not, I could be found not giving a shit, and well, that me is really not any fun for anyone. Sorry for my jumbled thoughts today...I'm just really not thrilled today, with much of anything. Hopefully this has cleared my head and now I can proceed with the good stuff I know I have.

You left me alone with myself again!

First, I'd like to say Thank You to all the Veterans out there, active, retired, or laid to rest. I appreciate all that you've done for our country. You are why we are free.

Now, I can get right down to it.

Today, I'm at my desk, and I'm having a very horrible fight with someone, but in my head. This is one of the most knock down drag out fights I've been in, in my head, ever! I wish I could share more, but this is the kind of thing that happens when I'm left alone. I have practice fights with people in my head. Most of them end with me pretty much kicking ass, but I think I have an advantage, mostly because I'm more awesome. I know that I'm not the only one who does this kind of thing too, so don't act all high and mighty like you are better than me or something. I don't want to have to go all Jacquisha on you. What? You don't know Jacquisha? She's my ghetto alter ego, Larry doesn't like her, at all. She's not the one you'd want to meet in an alleyway, or anywhere else for that matter. She's hecka hard, and doesn't take shit from anyone, not even me! Ok, so she is me, but still, I like to think we could be separate people sometimes. I could blame her for the bitch attacks, and she could blame me for, well, being the super person you all LOVE! Haha...See, this is a fine example of what happens when I'm left alone.

Daydreaming...

You know what today is? It's Wednesday. Do you know what Wednesday is? The day I flew to Cabo for the first time. Doesn't that mean that maybe I should be going to Cabo today? I think it does. I'm cold. I live in Seattle, so this is one of those "Hello, Captain Obvious!" moments. I'm always cold, except for those 14 days of over 80 degree weather we had in September. I always am tempted to move somewhere that it isn't cold, like California (even though the state will literally fall off the map during the next "big one") or Florida (even though every hurricane hits them and they have alligators). My vacations are too far apart to actually enjoy my Seattle weather. Especially when my first "vacation" in nearly 3 years was to Cabo San Lucas, the most beautiful place (I've been) on earth. If we actually make it to Hawaii next year, maybe I will be able to start looking forward to something. A nice warm 7 days, away from here...with my family. A girl can dream, right?

I have other things that I want to vent about, but for fear that who I am upset with reads this post, I am just brushing it off for now. Like, that other time, and the time before that, and the other time, oh, and that other time. Yes, it is literally every opportunity they get, they are doing something to make me think twice about why they are family. I always have had friends that would write off family members for this reason or that reason and I never understood because you know the whole "Blood is thicker than Water" thing. Well, I have a new one "Blood is thicker than Water, but Blood stains." They don't realize that just because they are family, doesn't mean shit to me anymore. I don't have to listen or put up with them anymore. Mostly because I am a grown ass woman, an adult, and I don't have to keep you in my life if you don't act like one too. Keep your misery to yourself, I don't want to be a part of your "Misery Loves Company" club.

Now, who's ready for a Vegas trip? We could stay at Mandalay Bay for 4 nights with airfare for $367.00 per person. Come on! Let's go in December before Christmas!

This could be us in a little over a month:

Waiting for the calm...

I don't even have time to stress lately, about anyone or anything. Between car shopping (RIP Mercedes, we'll miss you), working, and family I don't know what day it is. This is my life.

About a week and a half ago, the Mercedes finally met it's doom, specifically a fence post. Luckily, I found a buyer for it, as is. I think they will appreciate it, and give it the attention it needs now. I found an Xterra, and courtesy my bestie, I will be officially back on the road and we will once again be a 2 car family again.

Work is work, I really don't want to dwell on the stuff I normally do so I'm leaving that out today.

The other night, Larry and I were sitting on the couch, and after my 2nd drink (I make 'em pretty stiff, at least doubles), I decided that I wanted to blog. Well, clearly there is no blog, but could you imagine if there had been one? This would've been what I considered the most extreme form of drunk dialing, or drunk texting. Drunk Blogging. I wonder if anyone has actually thought of that one yet? I'm sure it's been done, but I am now determined to make it a known phrase.

I've been watching Eat, Pray, Love almost daily lately, it's been on repeat on HBO, and has also been recorded into my DVR. Maybe one day I will be off on my own sabbatical, and I can be all philosophical and shit. I can come up with my own infinite wisdom, and won't have to count on all these positive websites to tell me how I should think. Although I must admit, sometimes it's nice for someone else to tell me what to do. Remember, I'm the one that is the control freak.

As I try and find something philosophical to leave you with, I realize, there really isn't anything more fun than not. So, instead, I leave you with this. I want this ice cream. Looks tasty, and completely makes sense in so many applications.

Inspiration anyone?

I've been having a hard time getting inspired lately...too much of the time I just want to bitch about the bitch I work with, or I just want to be a bitch...I'm really still on the fence as to which one (probably both). I'm having a lot of battles with myself, it seems my personality is a conflict, or maybe it's everyone else. I'm not complaining, but here's where my bitching comes into play. Sometimes, people say things and don't think before speaking. I'm not saying I never do it, in fact I do it most of the time, but most people that do this to me have no business throwing certain things in my face. I'm a pretty laid back kinda person, and despite the impression most people have of me, I'm really not the ruthless bitch most think I am. Whoops...cats out of the bag! I just know how to "lay down the law", "bring down the hammer", "smack-a-bitch in the face"..., but I really can be a nice person. Until...I have to do one of the 3 above examples. Man...I wish I could give you all a really great example, explain the story behind my madness today, but unfortunately some things are just a little bit too much information and a little too personal for this place.

So...please share with me who or what you muse is. Maybe I can get some sort of relaxing technique by staring at a porcelain figurine of a bird. I sure wish I knew how to meditate, but I can't even get my legs to fold like that!

Friday? Already?

What a crazy week it's been! I've been working a lot this week, and running all over the place. Today is my calm day, I think. It is Friday, right?

Work has been great, both of them. I haven't been at the office much this week, which has given me some much needed relief. I've been doing restaurant work, a food show, and a couple night shifts because one of my servers is on vacation. It's been a great break for me, you would think that running my butt off and waiting on people hand and foot would not be, but in comparison to what I've had to deal with in the latter...it rocks. I love the restaurant, and will always have it (hopefully) as my release. The bar will open soon, and that means more time for me there. I really can't wait.

Next years Mexico trip has been postponed, possibly indefinitely. The more I think about it, I would rather spend a vacation with the family and getting passports for the kids seems like it would be more trouble than it would be worth. Hawaii has been put on the agenda instead. All five of us are going to embark on a Hawaiian vacation next year! Details of course, are still in the works, but I would love to have feedback from any of you that have done this trip with children, I would love a kid friendly island and possible resort or villa ideas. Since it's going to be 5 of us, it seems almost more logical to do a villa or condo for the week. I have looked into Aulani, the new Disney resort, and I'm not about to spend $10K on just the hotel!

So, here's a Happy Friday for you, with a twist! Have a great weekend, ya'll and I will see you on the flip side!

Time to let it go...

In the last couple days I've started re-evaluating whether I should really let my "coworker" affect me as much as she does. What bothers me more than anything is that her maturity level is that of a high school student (this woman has kids my age!). One minute she is blatantly fake and trying to be nice, and the next minute she is completely disrespectful. It's been a long time since I've let this kind of thing get to me. Mostly, out of respect for my boss (and friend), because it would be a horrible thing for him if I actually opened my mouth and expressed my clear disinterest in the way that she treats me, to her face. He will probably never see how she treats me either, so at this point, it's in my hands. All I can say is, watch out lady, I'm not letting you walk all over me anymore, and unfortunately you will no longer be of any importance in my life.

On a lighter note. I have these moments constantly throughout the day, when I find an instance that I say "I'm going to blog about that!", because at that exact moment, the situation is making me laugh, outloud. I never do though, because I forget. So I started carrying around a little 3x5 notepad for instances just like this. Let me bring you into the room with us. We are all sitting at the dinner table, eating salads. We like to have build your own salad dinners, adding chicken and all the other yummy fixins like croutons and tomatoes. Larry has decided that he wants a fork that has an attachment for the croutons, a tool basically that will allow you to get a crouton in each bite because when you stab your fork into the crouton they break and of course they don't stay on the fork with the lettuce because a fork isn't cool like a spoon. So the subject of infomercials came up, apparently he could see this particular utencil on late night television. I'm supposed to have a schematic soon to post with this, however I think that comment was to add to the comedy. Stevie submitted her idea as well, for a laundry basket you can carry on your back as you go up and down stairs, for those of us who use stairs regularly and have a tendency to fall down them. I'm pretty sure that this already exists, I'm going to find her one. It's my new mission. Any ideas where I would start other than the As Seen On TV store? This might be logical...

Anger Management.

I don't need no stinkin' therapy. This is my therapy.

I'm driving to work this morning, wishing that I had the skill to take pictures with my phone, steer the car, and drink my coffee all at the same time. I am behind a car, not sure if the driver is a female or a male, but they are brushing/combing their hair and driving 35 mph in a 45 mph. Seriously people? Why can you not handle your personal hygiene before you leave your bathroom in the morning? I pride myself in being able to make it to work in exactly the 18 minutes I have allowed myself, and because you are busy brushing your greasy locks, it will now take me 21 minutes instead. This irritates the shit out of me.

So, driver #1 is no longer in the picture about 2 miles down the road, but now I'm behind an old yellow truck that has prominently displayed a sticker in their back window "Get a Lift, Fat Chicks Can't Jump". I'm curious what kind of person actually thinks this is ok to produce, let alone paste on their back window. This is the kind of shit that pisses me off. Rude fucking people that have nothing better to do than to put down others in order to make themselves feel somewhat adequate. Well, guess what Asshole, you are not adequate (even though I have just blogged about you, it was negative, so don't think that this is good for you). By the way, "fat chicks" CAN jump. And you might want to watch out for that, because I know quite a few ladies that might jump up and punch you in the face, "fat" or not.

These are the kinds of days that I wish I had a giant 4X4 truck with all the battering ram equipment possible. Because, I would be right up their ass. I'm sure you all are thinking I might have an anger management problem, but really I don't. This is completely therapeutic, this is where I fantasize about beating the next dumbass up. They say you can't fix stupid, but I am determined that you can. Just a good ass whooping, or slap in the face will normally do the trick.

OMG, kill me now.

When I'm at work during the day, this is the only way I can really have conversations, or vent my frustrations. I'm literally trying my hardest to not stab my eyeball with a pen right now. There's this woman I work with, we'll call her Cindy. She drives me fcuking crazy, daily. She's in her 50's, and has this know-it-all attitude. She has something to say about everything. Whether it is work related or not, she is adding her two cents to any conversation going on in the office. I'm not exaggerating, I will ask someone a question, and of course use their name before asking (because this is part of my case study, since deep down I know that my true calling was to be a therapist), and she will chime in, even if it's to say she doesn't know what happened, she is answering. These situations make me want to turn around and look at Cindy like she's a nut job (this is where my therapy comes in), "Hello? Is your name.....?" Some days are worse than others, yesterday for instance. She would think she needed to tell me something to keep me in the loop, but wouldn't actually tell me anything (I think she just wants to hear herself talk, but I wish she wouldn't because her voice makes my butt pucker). Or at least nothing that was really relevant. She is a complete waste of my time. Please all keep me in your thoughts and wish me luck (no prayers necessary, it's going to take so much more and I'd rather you not waste your time on something I don't believe in) today so that I don't stab myself, or someone else. This is a good time when my magnet from Liz (Flourish In Progress) would be helpful "I need protection. From myself." Did I mention that Cindy isn't even supposed to be here on Thursdays or Fridays? She only normally works Monday-Wednesday. I look forward to my time without her on Thursday and Friday. They are like mini-vacations, even though I'm at work.

P.S. I'm applying for Big Brother season 14. This will be my vacation next summer if I make it onto the show. Here's another wish me luck scenario. And just think, since I always am wishing you all could be there for all my seriously hilarious moments, now may be able to watch, live and in person on TV!!! But, seriously, it's not like I will get on. They have like a million applicants every year. But here's to the possibility!

Disclaimer: I don't actually have any intention of stabbing anyone. I might smack-a-bitch in the face though.

I see your mouth moving, but all I hear is Blah Blah Blah.

This is definitely the mood I'm in today. I'm not much for chit chat, and would prefer to just sit and play my scrabble games. You've all been worthy opponents, by the way. Now that I've been home a week, I want to go back to Mexico. Maybe not because it's great, but because here is not great. I want to go on permanent vacation. That just made me snicker a little. It's seriously unrealistic. Oh well, it was worth a try right? We are off to Portland to visit my Dad and Step-Mom, boy it has been a while! I'm happy to get away on vacation, with my family this time. Quality time is so hard to come by anymore, especially in our family.

Next years Mexico trip is in the works, All Inclusive, All Adult (no kids at the resort), including airfare is right around $1500 for 7 days per person. I'm on the search for better deals, and am checking many locations for the best prices. I'm really going the whole not having to leave the resort for anything way.

No one is RSVP'ing!!! What gives!!!

The aftermath...

First things first...Hope everyone had a great Labor Day weekend. Even though I had to work, I got to spend a fabulous day with Larry and the kids yesterday. No work, and we went to Seattle! It definitely was great to spend the day with my family. I love them <3.

Now, I will get right to it. MEXICO. It was spectacular. A few things could've been better, like if the pool was open at the resort later than 8 pm. But, all in all, it was great. The room was one of the newer remodeled units, had 2 queen sized beds, a small kitchenette (that we never used) that included a small fridge that was stocked with bottled water, cola, and beer (we only drank the water). The bathroom was pretty nice too, although you weren't able to take too long of a shower since the drains were very slow. The shower would end up overflowing if you were in there too long.

We ended up just taking multiple showers each day, we needed it since it was friggin HOT there! It was at least 85 each day, but it was super humid, like the I can't breathe humid. The day we arrived, we found our way to the hotel and then to the hotel restaurant. The food was awesome, and our first server of the week was as well. Carlos remembered everything we wanted and how we wanted it from the first day we were there.

The second day, we spent the whole time in the pool. Needless to say we burnt. Why didn't any of you tell me to wear sunscreen? Thanks for lookin' out. We went out that night, with our new friend Luke.

We ended up in a club, not sure the name of it, drinking overpriced drinks and dancing for all of about a half hour. We walked to Cabo Wabo Cantina, and I must say I thought they would be nicer. They acted like we should feel priveleged to be there. NOT really. I was disappointed, and frankly irritated that I could go to the same place in Vegas. It was not what I pictured. Blah. I think planking was actually the highlight of our day.

We got chased by 2 year old little girls that slapped our hands because they wanted us to buy their Chicklets. What real mother lets their 2 year out at 11 pm chasing the tourists. Wow. So, the third day we spent in our room, recooperating from the sun damage the day before, with the exception of eating of course. The forth day, we went to get sunscreen at the pharmacy and were offered "uppers or downers?", and vicaden or valium. Obviously "none of the above" was our answer. Ugh... We spent the rest of the day at the beach, and then trying to find our way home from the beach. Unfortunately Shana let me navigate back to the resort, and well, as many of you know, I have zero navigational skills. We walked for a long time, and I thought Shana was going to stab me in the neck, not just because she looked that way, but because she actually said it too. The next couple days we layed low, hung out at the pool, made friends, socialized, ate, and drank...The food and drink was all included, so this was of course the highlight.

 
Not to mention that now I should be crash dieting because my pants probably don't fit me. I haven't tried them yet, I'm waiting for the moment that I'm in a great mood so I don't have to bring myself down so far, or quickly. Haha...I'm still cracking myself up. Coming home after 7 days was a relief. I felt like a felon in Mexico, maybe because I'm part of a Blog Cartel, maybe because I make millions compared to the maid that cleaned my room, maybe because I'm awesome, maybe because everyone I talked to before I left told me they would come bail us out if we needed it. I'm not sure exactly, but it was a good time. I would like to go back, maybe next year. Not sure of any of the details, but we definitely should have a posse with us this time, at the very least to draw attention away from myself. It was a good time. Who's going with next year!? I'm craving a RUM PUNCH right now...

A day of reckoning.

As in, I reckon I'm leaving for a fantastic trip to CABO tomorrow!!! At precisely 6:40 in the morning I will be seated in my designated place on an airplane pulling away from the tarmac and being slingshotted into the air at G-force speed (can you tell I don't care if these are words anymore?)! I'm sure I'm being way over dramatic here, but I, again, don't care. I'm going on vacation!!!

I attended the Seahawks preseason game last Saturday against the Vikings. I was seriously disappointed, and it didn't help that because it was preseason, most of the people seated around us were wearing purple and gold. For fear of possibly getting a beat down, because it didn't feel like we were sitting in "our house", I kept my mouth shut. I can't imagine what it will be like when I go to the Oakland game. Everyone keep your fingers crossed that I don't punch a Raider fan in the face.

Watch for pictures the end of next week!

Peace! We out!

Memories? What Memories?

So, today, I got tagged in a picture from my High School annual from my senior year. It brought back all kinds of memories, that honestly I could really give a shit about. I hated high school, mostly because of all the caddiness, the popular crowd as they are more commonly called. I hated the girls in my high school that thought they were better than everyone else. There were some that were part of the popular crowd that I could tolerate, but most I only knew through other friends that I was actually close to. I can literally count on one hand the amount of people that I actually could stand to be around at my high school. (Just a side note: if you are reading this and feel like you are in any way a part of what my problem was back then, you might have been, I'm keeping it real. Just remember, that was then, and now is a different time. Luckily we all grow up.) I do remember the good times of course too, the parties by the river, the offroading and getting stuck, the off campus lunches, the Puyallup Fair, Beer Me, Slug Bug...I have so many great memories as I said. Unfortunately specific times, instances and people are mostly a blur. I contribute this to the fact that the caddy bitches I went to school with were not the only ones with mental problems. I had my share. I attribute my issues to situations that I had been subjected to growing up. (This is not a pity party either that you are about to attend, just so you know.) I am not blaming anyone for my problems, most of my problems were caused by me and my attitude. See, I was a definite typical teenager with the know-it-all attitude and "frankly I'd be better off alone" mentality. Although clearly I made it through those times with help, I'm not sure I would've made it without it. I was rebellious and danced to my own tune. I dance to my own tune now, but most everyone can keep up. Back then, I'm not sure many could keep up. Without sharing too many details, I'll just  say I had my share of horribleness that I passed around. So, now I'm coming to terms with who I was, who I am now, and the fact that I actually made it from there to here. I stand firm in my neverending thought process of "No Regrets, Ever. I am who I am because of you." Well, I guess I'm just going to add one thing to that "and me." So there you go...No soap box, no pity party, just know that we are all the people we are now because of what we've done, been through, learned, and pretty much fallen smack dab into the mud with our faces type of scenarios. These are the memories that I will always cherish, those seriously personal moments that in my mind are the best shit ever, or the worst shit ever.

1 week till Cabo. Thanks for letting me rub it in once again!

As promised...although I'm not up to summarizing.

So, as promised, game stats for our own Seattle Seahawks, but, from the professionals. I will add my two cents, but I'm really not up to rewriting exactly what this guy has already said!
Cyber Surfing Monday: Seattle Seahawks Blog
I was disappointed with Jackson, I didn't see enough game time from him to really be impressed. I admit I was excited about us picking him up from Minnesota, and I hope this weekend he plays his ass off and shows the Vikings what they are missing. I just really need to see more. Whitehurst, surprisingly to me, pulled some magical plays out, or maybe it was his receivers and running backs that made the plays for him. Either way, he gave me more than Jackson did (14/20 for 115 yards). Now, to the true QB star, in my mind, Portis (5/9 for 69 yards). Josh Portis went to a Division II school out of Pennsylvania, California U, and broke all kinds of records his 09 and 10 season. Rather than entering the draft after his 09 season, he decided to stay on another year and still ended up one of our undrafted rookies. This guy has an arm! He was throwing bullets all over the field in Thursdays game, finding receivers and our running game came out of nowhere, I mean Clayton went for 62 yards, and a TD! The guys could tighten up on their plays, make them a little more precise in my mind. I see a very young team this year, with tons of ambition. For a season opener, it was a great game, very exciting and I can't wait to be 3rd row this Saturday watching live and in person. Welcome back boys! I missed you!

I have 9 days until Cabo. Thanks for letting me rub it in each blog I post. Without you, I would have no one to tell. And, I love ya for it!

My children amaze me every day. They say things that I never would think would come out of their mouths, at least not for another 10 years. My daughter is talking to me like she's a teenager. This reminds me of the time someone asked her how old she was (when she was 3) and she answered "13". These times, I must admit, freak me out to no end! My now 4 year old, is talking like an adult. When I talk to them, I finish by asking if they understand what I'm saying. So, we were dressing Barbies on Saturday, making sure their swimsuits fit them this year after a long winter/spring of eating comfort food and we finally find that the correct swimsuits are fitting their corresponding Barbies so I say "Ok, the swimsuits are on the right Barbies now" and she says to me, very matter of factly "I understand what you are saying". Both Larry and I looked at each other in shock, as Khilee just goes about her business, tending to her Barbies and such. I'm still in shock today. I feel like I had a Senior moment, because my 4 year old had a teenage moment. It scares me. My son has developed habits as well, he is a bit OCD like me. He eats all the best stuff on his plate last, he gets the last hug in the morning before I leave, because I told him one morning I left the best for last. The habits, I guess aren't necessarily OCD, but they are things that they need. I call it structure. Things they expect and know will happen, schedules. I also call it, the good stuff.

My newest adventure, by the way, is fantasy football. Just to let you know, I am joining a league this year. I am not really thrilled about choosing players that aren't part of the Hawks, because then secretly I may have to root for them if they play my team. But hey, this is just going to teach me so much more than I could ever imagine about football. And, really, isn't a true fan one that knows about more than just their home team? I would say this is true. How about you? Time for me to venture outside of my comfort zone.

Did I mention I'm venturing outside of my country in 9 days? Oh, I did? Oh, ok, just making sure you know where I'll be in case I don't come back. You'll at least know where to find me.

"Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can't Lose" FNL

Do you realize that the Seahawks preseason starts Thursday? This Thursday? As in, 2 days from now Thursday? I gotta tell you that I am so friggin excited about football this year! After the lockout, it feels like it's been many years since we've been able to sit down and yell at the TV about the missed hits, tackles and catches! And then the cheering! I mean seriously, I cannot wait! GO SEAHAWKS! And, all you Seahawks haters may as well just unfriend me now. Because, you, are a disgrace! Haha...LOL! I'm not kidding...

I checked the Nissan Leaf website yesterday and found that my new car has a VIN #. I noticed last week that it wouldn't let me play with the color anymore so I figured it must be close to being shipped or painted or something. Well, today I log in and I have an actual estimated date! A date, I mean this is epic! This is what I've been waiting for! My all electric vehicle, zero emissions, no oil changes, no gas prices to worry about. Seriously! Epic! Who's going for a ride with me?

It is 15 days until I leave for Mexico...the time is dragging right now. Cabo wants me there, I know it does! Why does Father Time not want to cooperate here? You'd think there would be some sort of communication there that would just make things work like they need to. Hmph. <---This is me pouting.

I'm super involved in Big Brother this year...(the pouting reminded me). Rachel just overdoes it completely. She can be normal, but not really. I love Jeff and Jordan...they deserve to be in this game. Dani disappoints me, she went way overboard playing the game from day one and it's really biting her in the ass. The newbies, well, all I can really say is they clearly have no idea how to play. It's still my favorite reality show ever, and I will always tune in.

These are my rants for now, since my head has started to clear, I am actually able to think better lately. Yay me for detox (cleansing, don't get any crazy thoughts about me doing any wild drugs. My drug of choice now is UV)! What are you all doing for the summer? Anything fun? Share, please share!

Shhhh...they might hear you.

I'm sitting here at work, lost my motivation for the week, so instead I am gracing you all with a few words. I'm on day 5 of my Candida Cleanse, so far so good. They say that the Candida gets worse before it gets better, I hate it when they say that! It's true, it does get worse. I'm over exhausted, just want to sleep. My memory is screwed, I went to the grocery store on Sunday night to do my version of extreme couponing. I left the Safeway store, unloaded my groceries into my trunk and headed to the next store. When I got home after my 3 store battle, I realized that I had forgotten my Diet Green Tea with Mixed Berry, that I purchased 4 of for $3.99 each (the cheapest I have EVER found it), on the bottom of my cart. I pulled away not even thinking about it, realizing it, and have no idea what was even going on in my head because I had no distractions. I don't even want to mention how much money I actually spent, although with the amount of items I got, it's probably a pretty reasonable amount.

I could tell you so much more of what worse is happening to me, but I will refrain from those graphic details.

Today marks 20 days until we leave for Mexico. I think I've been excited for so long, my excitement is wearing off. Or maybe, it's just easing until the night before and then I won't be able to sleep. I really am looking forward to it, I'm just ready to be there, instead of just wishing I was there.

My honey is camping with the guys this weekend. It's really about time that he did go be gone for the weekend. I love him to pieces and hate when he's away for an extended period of time, but I get some me time when he leaves too. It's a complete win/win. The kids and I can hang out, and I don't have to feel guilty when I sit on the couch after work...He's the type that likes to have everything done before he sits down for the evening, and I'm the type that is so sore and tired from being on my feet all day, it's all I can do to walk in the kitchen for a drink during commercials. And, there I go babbling again.

I have so many things I could vent about, but now that I'm here, those things just seem so minuscule. I'm definitely taking it easy tonight, I'm still exhausted, and the hot flashes feel like they might kill me. That's right people...I'm dying! Haha, I know not funny. I'm really not, but if I were to whine about anything, it would be about that, about the idea that I'm dying of heat exhaustion. Did I mention that we haven't made it above 82 degrees in Seattle yet this year? I feel horrible for all of you East of my mountains having triple digit temperatures. Stay cool!

Wow, nothing like a little self-diagnosis to put things into perspective.

I am not a big fan of sharing those TMI moments with people. I keep a lot of that inside, unless it's relevant to conversation or necessary for someone to know. This, however, is completely necessary to share.


Since early 2010 I have suffered from frequent VBI's, I am on antibiotics at least every 3 months to treat them. Last December I went through major abdominal pain, fatigue, a period every 2 weeks that lasted 5 days, and numerous other problems that had me thinking that the cervical cancer I had been diagnosed with 14 months earlier had progressed. Once I had made it into the doctor in January, the pleathera of tests and x-rays had all come back negative for any problems except for yet another VBI and the remnants of what they believed was a cyst that had already burst. They blamed all of it on the cyst, gave me antibiotics for the VBI and sent me on my way. In March, the symptoms of having another VBI appeared again so I emailed my doctor and asked for another round of antibiotics be called into the pharmacy and they obliged without me having to go in for yet another appointment. By this time I had it in my head that I had nothing wrong with me, so the pains and abnormal stomach issues I just brushed off as I must've eaten something my body didn't like and like your Mom always told you when you were growing up "It's all in your head" became a frequent thought for me. Right around February I had noticed patches of psoriasis starting on my elbows, it's a very dry scaly round patch about an inch in diameter. Ever since I was little I've had bouts of ecxzema and have dealt with blemished skin and embarrassing patches that comes and goes as it pleases. I was able to get ahold of a homeopathic moisturizing cream and an oral tablet that so far is helping tremendously after 5 days of using them. In the midst of all of this, 2 weeks ago, another VBI showed up again. After doing major research and spending way too much time online, I never found a homeopathic remedy so I ended up calling in another request for a round of antibiotics to my doctor. Now, mind you, everytime I'm on the antibiotics, my whole world changes a little. I have to take the pills with food, I don't normally eat breakfast, but I have to for these 7 days or I end up with major stomach cramps, like double you over stomach cramps. I also cannot drink alcohol, or the same happens, I'm not a huge drinker, but I do like to have a couple when I'm out with the girls. So this morning I started a round of pills. Most of the day I have spent reading up on different causes of the VBI, which all anything is really giving me is the bad bacteria takes over the good bacteria and voala. This, as many of you may know that know me, is not a good enough answer. So as I'm clicking through sites and reading further into what causes the problems that I have, that by the way the doctors can't figure out, I find Candida albicans. For those of you who know what this is, please bear with me while I try and explain. It is a yeast/fungal overgrowth in the intestines. It affects many people, in many different ways. In me, I can't even begin to tell you all of the symptoms I have that point to Candida. Some of them though, include: Frequent VBI's, issues that belong with IBS, muscle and joint problems and tightness, fatigue, skin problems (psoriasis and excema) and seriously I could go on and on. Today, it became completely clear to me what is wrong with me though. As soon as I am done with the antibiotic (which is really just feeding the yeast/fungus that is living inside me) I will be starting a cleanse, that from what I understand will have to be taken for the rest of my life. Candida could affect my brain, and may have already started to, it is really quite disturbing that the doctors most of the time won't even humor the idea of this being a problem in people. They are so much more concerned to get their pay day that they would rather prescribe antibiotics and pain killers that will never completely solve the problems.


I'm sorry if this was TMI, again. But, really, this is serious. I am so sad that I could have lived with this forever and thought it was normal. I will be sure and keep everyone informed on how my self-treatment goes.

The excitement...to end a month.

Today they announced we will have a football season afterall. After 4 months of stalemate, the owners and players of the NFL came to an agreement and signed their new contracts that will last 10 years. What happens from here is going to happen fast. Free agents are available for offers and the rookie can be picked up as well as of tomorrow. The scramble is about to be crazy! Who wins who with what deals will be interesting once all is said and done. I'm happy the Seahawks will have a season, but I'm worried who we will end up with as our QB. It's not looking good for Hasselbeck, who in March before the lockout, declined a year contract with the Hawks to hold out for something "better". It sounds like Tennessee is interested in him, now more that we are. I guess that's what you get for being selfish...But yay for Tennessee. This however leaves me in a who are we gonna get though? kinda situation. Sounds like maybe we are interested in Carson Palmer, or even Kevin Kolb, but I'm really more curious of what these guys could contribute...I'm still reading up on the stats. What I really am the most interested in is having a winning season, and making it back to the super bowl this year, or even next. Lets go guys, time to bring the pain!

It is officially 1 month until Cabo. In 1 month, I will be sitting pool side drinking a tasty fruity alcoholic beverage with my best girl friend in the world. Have I mentioned I'm ready? I got my passport on Friday and that was the absolute last thing that I needed. We've been shopping for swim suits on ebay, I found some really georgeous sarongs, a camera and an SD card for it, sunglasses, and flip flops. I've been a shopping fool! But at least I'm done with that part, everything is set...now the time just needs to pass so I can escape! Have I mentioned I'm ready? Haha! At least I don't have to pack much clothes, I'm traveling to 95 degree weather :). And after today's high of 60 and rain, I'm ok with that!

Everyone have a great week!!!

The craziness never ends!!!

What a crazy week it has been! I don't feel like we have stopped much at all lately, or at least I haven't. Last week a new Point of Sale system was installed at the restaurant that I manage. It sure is a good thing I know how to open a CD drive, which is what some like to call my techie skills, because the tech support guy for the company that installed the system was new, and I have ended up doing all the programming and changes on it. It's fun to do, but it was hectic the first couple days and this weekend because we would find something wrong and then I would have to run to the computer to fix it. I think this happened at least 5 times both Saturday and Sunday. Hopefully, today, all the bugs and quirks have been fixed and I don't end up getting any calls to dial in to the system. Oh, yea, I made it so I didn't have to go in to fix things anymore. I can dial in from any computer and make changes. Yay me for being efficient!!!

Girls night was great last Thursday! I spent time with 2 of my bestest buds from Jr. High, and a new friend joined as well. I cherish these nights with my girls! It's great to have fun and go out, and get non-mommy time! Friday night was spent programming...here's where the tired started to set in. I was up early Saturday morning for work and didn't get out of there until after 2:00. Then it was home to change and load the family into the car for Caden's 4th Birthday at the lake! This was one of the relaxing times of the weekend. I was so proud of Caleb, he went tubing behind the Sea-doo (with a life-vest of course). This took a ton of convincing, and in the end he was telling me how cool that was! It's great to see my "momma's boy" take those kind of chances.

My Saturday night included us meeting up with Shana and Pat at the Great American Casino to watch a band that I can't for the life of me remember the name of, which is sad because they were awesome! We had some together adult time, Larry and I, short lived because we were only out for a couple hours, but those breaks with him are what I live for and look forward to. The part you've all been waiting for: People watching.
During our few hours there, we observed:
#1-Lady in her 40's, with a leathery face, oversized silicon implants, and long hair that she brushed in between songs at her table. Each time she sat down, out came the brush from her purse and into her hair it went. I think she did this because her hair flips went in rhythm with her hip gyrations, which all were completely over exaggerated, and her hair was probably tangled by the time the song was over. She wore jeans, that were probably a size too small because they were so tight that it looked like she poured herself into them. Her top was a lowcut tank top, in white, that I was pretty sure she would literally pop out of at anytime. Please tell me that you all can picture this in your mind and are laughing out loud like we did while watching her. I think by the time we left, she found her toothless match that she was grinding with on the dance floor.
#2-Girl in her 20's, dancing for her "girlfriend" close to the stage. No one else is on the dance floor because the band is on one of their breaks. From the crowd comes a guy, "lookin' like a fool with your pants on the groud" and an oversized white t-shirt. He clearly wants to dance with her, or them, I'm not really sure at this point, but what I am sure of is he is completely in a drunken state of invincible! He is doing what he thinks is break-dancing on the dance floor-luckily no one else is in the vicinity of him or they could end up with a black eye! Back to the girls...there's "little" girl, who is about 5' tall with pink hair and then there's the "big" girl, who really is what this is all about. "Little" girl I really can't see and don't notice, she's behind a speaker and I get a glimpse of her when she moves her head, but only of the back of her head. "Big" girl is about 2 feet taller than "little" girl, and is dancing like a stripper. Now, the funny part is she thinks she's sexy, but she isn't. Let's just say, I might throw pennies, but what is happening is Mr. Invincible is actually throwing dollars...I could go on and on about this little "party" that was happening as if there weren't 200 other people in the room, but this is as far as the funny goes.
Sunday after work, Larry BBQ'd and Shana and Pat came over to visit. I knew they'd been missing us (and Larry's cooking!) and we were missing them too. I love my Shana!!! And now, drum roll please.....
MEXICO IS FINAL! THE TRIP IS BOOKED AND SHANA AND I WILL OFFICIALLY BE HIDING UNDER ROCKS (OR AT LEAST POOL SIDE UNDER UMBRELLAS) AUGUST 25-31ST!

Yahoo!!!

Anyway...Larry and I have a date night tonight! Just me and him and I am finally taking him to see Fast Five. I've seen it, in fact the first day it was in theaters, but we didn't stay for the final credits because at that point no one said we should since it was after all the first day. So, we are going tonight, to the $2 theater, and we'll watch the final credits. I'm glad the theaters are dark, because Vin Diesel is yummy and I might drool a little.

Everyone have a splendid week, and you Seattlites enjoy the sun we are having today and tomorrow. The rain is promising to come back to water the lawns on Wednesday. Hey! At least we don't have to water them! It's called water conservation, people!

I hit the 3-month mark.

Today is officially 3 months since I quit my worst habit, smoking. This is of course is the umpteenth time that I've quit, but this time it was cold-turkey and I think it's going to stick. I've tried Chantex, the patches, the gum, the anti-depressants (that included a swollen face!!!, turns out I was allergic to the main ingredient in Zyban). Today is one of the first days that I've actually thought that maybe having a smoke would make me feel a little bit better about the friggen day! Work has been crazy, I've been here pretty much alone, except for the book-keeper and a couple of the guys has been in and out sporatically (I love that word), so like I said, I've been here alone. The morning started with the most bipolar customer I've ever dealt with. I have spoken to her at least 8 times since Thursday of last week, and I'm pretty sure she has that many personalities. I'm not kidding. She is literally a different person each time I speak with her, and each time I speak to her, she's apologizing for the time before because it's "crazy" for her today. Wow. That's what I say. Wow. I'm done talking about work after that.

All I have been able to think about is Mexico. I don't want to rub it in, but (famous last words) I probably will end up doing that anyway. We have decided to stay at the Marina Fiesta Resort, it's right in Cabo San Lucas, close to clubs and the nightlife. I'm not sure how much we will actually leave the resort, but at least the option is there. The price is the most reasonable up to this point that I've found, I keep finding promo codes for the travel site, and then there's this summer deal or that summer deal. I can't believe that we are actually going for 7 days, sometimes I wonder if maybe I'll get lost down there. I doubt it, but here's to wishful thinking. Although 7 days is probably plenty for me with the disappearing act. I think that cell service is really expensive in Mexico so I won't be in contact during that time either. Yay us for disappearing!

So, my crawl under a rock kinda day didn't happen today. Probably won't happen tomorrow either. Or the next day. Or the next. So, I'm going to go ahead and schedule my crawl under a rock kinda day for August 25th. Be advised!

Was that a bus that just hit me?

After this weekend, I have to say, it was the hardest thing to come to work today. I worked at the restaurant Saturday, Sunday and Monday mornings until about 1 or 2 each day. I think Saturday was the only afternoon I didn't really do anything. Sunday I took Stevie to the mall for a swim suit and a hair cut. I realized after I got home that I probably should've taken the kids and given Larry a break. I will be thinking of that more often. Sunday night I was in the kitchen for about 4 hours. I made these Fancy Lime Jello Shots (recipe courtesy of my friend Alexis). They were a huge hit, were gone after 1 round, but were the biggest pain in the rear to make! I thought maybe my melon baller tool would work to get the meat out of the lime, but no luck. It was another day that I was glad to have acrylic nails, because that is what I found the easiest way to do it! I will be investing in a grapefruit spoon for this purpose next time. I also found this really great cupcake tin at the store to do mini cupcakes! I ended up with 5 dozen cupcakes after all was said and done. We placed them in the pans and then decorated with frosting to look like an american flag. They were so cool! I also made pudding pops for the kids, using food coloring to change the pudding color, they were red white and blue. Khilee liked them, but Caleb decided he wasn't a fan of the banana flavor. Oh well, can't win them all! After work on the 4th, it was time to venture out on the boat. This was the most fun 4th of July I think I've had in a while. Not only was it hot and beautiful, the kids had a great time and since I didn't eat much of anything, I was buzzing pretty good the entire evening. I almost fell off the dock once, Larry saved my life! And then I was told to go sit down. Getting up this morning was so hard! My body hurts, I just want to go to sleep! At what point do we actually believe ourselves when we say we are getting too old for this?

The kids had a great time at the Little Gym on Saturday! I was excited that they enjoyed it, until I found out there's a little more tuition than I originally thought. Although, after discussing it with Larry, I think we are going to go ahead and enroll them into the summer semester. They deserve to do something fun, and to have something like that to look forward to this summer. Khilee is having a really hard time not going to school right now, every morning she gets up and asks if she has school today. I keep telling her that school will start again in September, but she has no concept of that timeframe. I look forward to hearing about their adventures in tumbling on Saturday mornings!

Our Cabo trip is still on schedule. I've been coming across other options lately, different locations, condo's being offered, but we're sticking with the Cabo vacation spot. It looks like the package prices have been dropping a little every day as well, so we may get lucky and save even more money since the lodging is no longer "free". Goes to show you, the best things in life are NOT always free :) Haha! The last week in August is also showing better prices than any of the other times that I've researched so that's almost in stone too.

Hopefully, tomorrow I won't be so achy, and my eyes won't burn so much. I feel like I should've taken a recoup day!!! Happy July everyone!

That's a wrap!

I decided I better get in my last thoughts for the week before the weekend arrives that includes a holiday this time around. This week has brought me some ups and downs, but really nothing extreme. First, turns out the Mexico trip is now completely all out of pocket expense. The resort timeshare certificate is expired or something, so I'm paying now to go. It will be time for me and my bestie, to rebond, to be crazy, to just be us and gone for a week. It actually may be better this way, because now we can choose where we stay, and the packages are super reasonable. And, by the advice of my favorite Uncle, we will be spending an evening at Cabo Wabo Cantina, home of the great Sammy Hagar! Yeah baby! I went and applied for my passport this morning, it's paid for and now in the hands of the Department of State. You know what I was wondering? What department of what state? Almost sounds like a bogus branch of the government...I bet they hide money just like everyone else. But anyway! My conspiracy theories are for another day!

We decided to buy 100 pounds of meat from a butcher. I'm picking it up today on my way home, and it's a variety so I'm not stuck with just one kind. I have a few vegan friends, so I won't get detailed about it any further. So, I've actually got quite a bit of running to do this afternoon. I'm picking up the meat :), then dropping it off at home. I got a call that the (1985) Mercedes is fixed and good as a normal 26 year old, so I have to go pick it up too. I'm pretty sure this will all be accomplished within a matter of 2 hours, but it will probably drain me. I should go get a new pool for the kids to play in after all that is done too, but we'll see how my afternoon plays out.

The best for last! I spent 2 evenings out this week with my Bestie. We needed to do some catching up, and some heartfelt discussion was much needed. I always miss my time with her, and have committed to myself that I will make time again. My Thursday nights now belong to her :).

Alright, time to get to the craziness of what is the 4th of July weekend! Did I mention I'm making some splendid adult and kid pops for when we venture out on the boat Monday. Thank you Alexis for your awesome recipes! You always know the way to my tummy! LOL!

Enjoy! Be Safe! Party hard, but not too hard! P.S. Let me also remind you today is July 1st. I know! Me too! Do you know what that means? Christmas is 5 months, 24 days away...

Perception is apparently everything...

I just wanted to clear the air about a couple things. I guess the way it sounds (if you don't know me) is that I'm apparently quite "loaded". Just to clarify: #1 my Nanny trades her services Mon-Fri for room and board. I have the extra space that I wasn't using, therefore I have saved myself some money in childcare. #2 my Mercedes is a 1985, not that it isn't a great car, but it is old, and also paid for. #3 my Mexico trip is part of a timeshare, therefore all we have to come up with is airfare to get there and voila, instant vacation! I just wanted everyone to know that I am not in fact a fancy rich snob, I actually struggle quite a bit to make things work, but I love the struggle and I feel accomplished when I can make things better for my family. :) Now, on to the good stuff!

I signed the kids up for the Little Gym today, they are going for a trial class on Saturday to see how they like it. I have to recommend this to moms everywhere. The family rate is $40 per year and that includes 1 class per week per child. This to me is a deal!!! Give the kids a break once a week, something to look forward to and to go interact with other children their age, especially during summer months, or even for younger children that aren't in school yet. And they also have other activities and things like parents nights that we can have priority signing the kids up for and we could have a date night for a couple hours. Look them up! The Little Gym - Federal Way They have locations everywhere, so even if my location isn't local for you, it's likely there is one that is local to you!

Mexico is still on!!! Looks like only 3 of us are confirmed, but there still could end up being 4. I will keep you all posted on the dilemna's, if any, that we may come across! We are still looking to call in favors to friends for deals on the airfare (hint, hint)...

Happy Hump Day by the way!!! As a couple of my close friend would say, saddle up your Camel!!! :)

The Monday's...

Well, I made it through yet another weekend! Working is a normal part of my life so I'll leave the normalcy's out of this for now. I did go to the Roller Derby finals at Foss Waterway on Saturday evening though! That, is definitely not a normalcy. We had been planning to go for a month, and I have to say, the wait was so totally worth it. At the end of the first bout, a player from each team decided to brawl. I'm not talking the slapping, hair pulling thing that most ladies think is fighting. These girls were throwing down! Punches were flying, they were rolling around on the mats, and I think it literally took 10 other people (players, coaches, and refs) to pull them apart! It lasted all of about 2 minutes, but this shit was great! The second bout (which was between my favorite team, Hellbound Homewreckers and The Trampires) was even better even than the first, even though there were no fights, the girls were hip checkin each other and eating mat on a regular basis. As much as I would love to be a roller girl, I'm not sure I'd be ok with having a bruised ass all the time! But damn, that would be some FUN! Talk about a workout! Wow...dreams :).

My trip to Cabo is still looking like it's on track. I'm still trying to work out exact dates, but it will be happening in August! I think we may have actually grown our little party from 2 to 4 as well. The more the merrier!!! I'm just looking forward to getting out of here for 7 days, taking a much needed break, putting my toes in the white sandy beaches and relaxing!! Here's to spending some much needed time away, and with some great girl friends (and Timmay)! I will leave you with a pic of the resort to remember me by :) LOL!

A day in the life...or at least an hour in the life.

I've been doing this "follow" thing on what bloggers call a "hop". I'm not sure I'm doing it right, but I am following people that I don't know and finding the world so much more fun! I'm not sure about getting as involved as these other moms and crafty women that cook until they just can't cook anymore, but it's fun and maybe when I have a free minute I can take some of their ideas and try and incorporate them into my craziness of a life.

The weekend is approaching, which means the most busiest of all weekly moments for me. Not only do I work on Saturday and Sunday, but I also have other obligations that I tend to make commitments to that end up stretching me even thinner! But, thinner! What mom doesn't want to be thinner? Not this mom! I've lost a total of 8 pounds in the last 2 weeks, but the inches are where I see it the most. I love that my jeans are fitting better lately and that muffin top isn't so much as a muffin as it maybe has turned into a small cupcake. LOL! Even though Larry tells me the top is the best part, I still have a hard time coming to terms with my extra "best part".

A couple weekends ago my 1985 Mercedes Benz 500SEC (classic, but not necessarily looking like it quite yet) was backed into at the restaurant I work at. After making sure the insurance company knew that it was not driveable because the entire back passenger tail light is busted out, I was granted a rental car. The Mercedes will go into the shop on Sunday or Monday to have it's body worked on. After seeing the estimate, I realized that damage hides in so many ways. I gotta say, I love an old car as much as the next person, but trying to find parts apparently was a chore in itself. I will be happy when September is here, and my Leaf arrives for me to take delivery. Not only will I be helping the environment, but I will be stylin' as well!!!

Happy Friday all!

Kindred Spirits

Bear with me today...I'm going into random thought mode :)

In life you come across so many people, some are aquaintances, some are considered friends, some are just someone you may have seen in passing or through another mutual friend or aquaintance... People are everywhere and your opportunity to change someones day should come easily. The kindred spirit type though, the ones that match your insides, those are the ones that you should hang onto forever. I believe that everything happens for a reason, I believe that people come into your life for a reason, a purpose. I've always trusted in the saying ‎"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life." I think that we have so many soul mates throughout our life, it would be hard to keep track of them all or count them for that matter. I have many friends that I have been close to over the years, most I keep in touch with maybe not on a totally consistent basis, but sporatically at least. I still have a few friends that I am close to, but not as close as sometimes I wish we were or used to be. The reality that I've had to come to terms with lately is that nothing is forever. As much as your relationship changes with your significant other, your friendships also change. You grow apart, you grow together, things change and people change. I guess my biggest worry is that people might change so much or get caught up in their own that I may be forgotten or left behind, however somber, this is reality, this is everyones reality. I'm becoming ok with this though, because as much as I think or feel this way, I'm betting someone else out there is feeling this way with me. I hope you all know that I love you now like I loved you then, and true happiness and friendship is knowing I'm here, whether you need me or not, I am.

Come home whenever you need to :) You know where I am.

Mexico in August! Woooohoooo!

So, the extension of family has a timeshare in Mexico at the Royal Solaris Resort in Cabo. Next thing I know, I've been recruited to go on a 1 week getaway with Heather because we need a vacation. I'm definitely not complaining, in fact I am so completely excited I can't even contain myself. I, Jessica Pollinger, am going to Mexico bitches!!! Yes!!!

It's been a great week, in fact I can't remember it not being great, maybe because of Mexico, maybe because it's actually been great, at any rate, yay me!

Off to see about getting my passport. Muah!

A new beginning? Or just the end of another day?

I'm used to writing so regularly, but this is a completely new concept for me. Especially since at some point people may see what I've written and thought about them at one time or another. I appreciate having a comp book that I can hide on my book shelf and pull out when I need to get the crazy thoughts out of my head. Life is complicated, and the comp"licated" book definitely helps to bring things in perspective. It's like being able to step outside of your own little box, and view everything from the outside. I can read it as if it isn't me writing...

So, to move on to today. I'm in the shower this morning and Larry tells me that he was feeling bad for me all night and morning because I've been having difficulties with "friends". I have gotten to the point with my "no young children" friends that I feel like I don't matter. They make plans with their other "no young children" friends, and I seem to be left without an invite. Maybe I'm being over sensitive, maybe I just am not invited, but it looks very clear to me that I am intentionally being left out. Maybe I'm just not their friend anymore. Who knows... What I do know is it hurts my feelings. Like the time one of my "friends" decided she was done with her other friend and so she text me and said "I'm done with ****, we need a girls night! Text me!". Are you serious? Now you want to be my friend again, after you haven't tried to get ahold of me in over 6 months, and now you wanna hang out? I am sick of being the friend back up plan!!!

I say it every time this happens, oh forget them, forget all of them. But then, I get sucked back into someone's sick game of friend or foe. I must do it to make myself miserable, or maybe I'm just that good of a friend that I let them all back in. At any rate, I could say I don't care, but I do. I'm a good person, and I love being around people and laughing and smiling, and really, it is so much more fun with people who know you. I guess I just continue to get my feelings hurt, because honestly I'm not sure the latter is a happy trade off for me.